Know the Power of No

Many of us live in a state of perpetual hurry. Rush out the door to carpool. Rush to meet the deadline. Rush through lunch to make a meeting. Rush to clean the house before the kids come home. Rush to make it to soccer practice, a baseball game or a dance recital. The problem is, life isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon, and marathons can’t run at a break-neck pace. With no downtime or rest, you’ll burn out. So how can you live up to your responsibilities and take care of those you love and still find the time to replenish yourself? It starts with a simple word: “No.”

When you say no to additional sports activities, club memberships, favors or playgroups, you are really saying yes to things like exercise, meditation, hobbies, family dinners, sleep and health. Saying no to extra commitments allows you to find time in your schedule to care for yourself mentally, physically, emotionally and spiritually, which is at the core of living a balanced and healthy lifestyle.

Continually adding responsibilities to our plate only increases the pressure you feel to get it all done, and when you fail to manage stress, your stress will manage you. According to the American Psychological Association, nearly 70 percent of Americans experience physical and mental symptoms of stress. Physically, stress bring everything from acne and headaches to increased risk of heart attack and a weakened immune system. Emotionally, stress can leave you feeling desperate, irritable, angry, anxious or depressed. Stress can trigger memory problems or trouble concentrating, all of cause additional stress, creating a vicious cycle.

Saying no and setting boundaries are essential to a balanced life. Carving out time each day to take care of your physical and mental health is the least selfish thing you can do, as it helps ensure that we will be present for the loved ones in our lives for many years to come.

Saying no can also leave room to say yes to relationships. Research says that healthy relationships can help you live longer, manage stress and be healthier overall. Conversely, not having a social support system can lead to depression, high blood pressure and even poor immune health. Taking time to nurture the relationships you are in also means that you are building a support network for those times when you truly need it. In fact, a survey by the National Bureau of Economic Research says that doubling your group of friends has the same impact on your wellbeing as a 50 percent increase in income. That’s more reason to say “no” to unnecessary meetings and activities and say “yes” to lunches and date nights.

You Can Do It
Taking care of yourself means more strength and resources to draw on as you take care of others, so it’s key to make “no” a more common word in your vocabulary. But, if you have a hard time saying it out loud, even when your brain is screaming it, (as so many of us do!), try one of these answers instead of a flat “no.” Remember, you don’t need a complicated explanation.

• I’m sorry, I don’t have the time to commit to this right now.
• That’s so sweet of you to think of me, but I won’t be available.
• I’m sorry, (insert time or day) doesn’t work for me.

Alone Time
Yay! You’ve said no, and you’ve found some “you” time. Now, make it count by doing something that inspires and energizes you.

• Pray, meditate or attend a spiritual class
• Exercise
• Take a nap or go to bed early
• Learn something new, like painting, dancing or carpentry
• Spend time on your favorite hobby
• Volunteer in your community
• Join a book club
• Have a standing lunch date with your partner or close friend
• Join a community choir, band or theater group